THE GREAT DIVIDE

Talking about capitals, I happened to spend the weekend in Dilli. My three days were tough, the minutes dragged and I missed the wannabees. The sagging arses hugged by ill-fitting gym pants on Pali Hill which I could compare mine to and feel sexy, the young girls in their distinct style of fashion, which I must commend. The 30’s and 40’s men eyeballing every sexy woman that briskly walks past them, the “I don’t give a damn attitude” of Mumbai. I swore never to bitch about Mumbai after this. Jai Mumbai, amchi Mumbai. Yes, I do sound like a true Bambaiya, but we cannot help ourselves as there’s a clear divide between the Capital and the Slum capital

Though we have our divides in this city, one can take the person out of Mumbai but you cannot take Mumbai out of a Mumba ite when we step out of our border. The South Mumbaiites - Southies and the Burbies. Even the Burbies are further divided into Bandra, Juhu, Lokhandwala, Andheri and anything beyond is the outskirts. Even the Bandraites decide to get snooty about where they live. Is it Pali Hill or Bandstand, the often asked question. What is your PIN code? Anything not within this radius and you get the raised brow. We are so steeped in our petty complexities that we don’t realize the Mumbaiites' tax Rupees is what keeps Dilli looking like you’ve taken a trip abroad; that’s if you skirt the poorer sections. In Delhi everybody looks cloned except a few of the capital's Fashionistas.

I had a few friends from South Mumbai, no they are not dead, usage of past tense "had". Just decided to lose touch as we are from different hemispheres. For a Southie, the suburbs are far, and our fashion sense varies from theirs, so I was told when a few of my friends descended upon Bandra to shop. They squealed in delight at the finds, I honestly stepped back and took a hard look at myself and them and questioned. We are 30 minutes apart, we cannot be that different. I doubt the Southies even consider themselves as part of Mumbai. They have a certain accent which I have yet to decipher. Their nose is raised slightly higher than ours, so they have more air in their lungs and they snap up all the Louboutins and Jimmy Choos, no these are not names of their dogs but designers, so we are left to buy Nine West and Mango. No not the Happus. If a Burbie decides to dine at an up-scale restaurant in town, everybody turns to stare at the lesser mortal, and if they do decide to visit our continent then we should be honoured. I just realized the action has all moved to Bandra.

South Mumbai suddenly looks like a ghost town after eight. All that’s left are drug dealers in dark lanes and the flea -ridden white trash drifters, who seek accommodation in the decrepit, questionable motels that stand beside the great hotel which has risen like the phoenix. But their pride will not let them move down. It’s alright we have quite a population of the wannabees and upstarts from further down from Bandra to deal with. Bandra is a potpourri of people, unlike South Mumbai which offers you the blue blood, they go blue every time somebody from the neighbouring continent decides to visit.

Anything north of Mumbai has the lot who are here to dikhlao their jhalak. The ones who do make it are the ones without the jhalak but are willing to dikhlao. Yes I must not forget the Undiyon and Thepla lot who seek refuge together in the not too far flung areas though they could afford to live on Altamount road, but then our blue bloods would not allow that. Also the theplas are politely refused memberships at esteemed South Mumbai clubs under the ruse of father to son only. A diamond merchant's wife was refused membership as she didn’t speak the Gora Sahib’s language, now is it her fault that her forefathers hung out with the revolutionaries rather than go hunting egrets with the memsahibs.

Bandra is a potpourri or the melting pot. It’s a big cauldron with everything melting here, the roads with craters, the marshlands disappearing, the quaint bungalows razed, the trees hacked, Aunty Rosie and Suzie displaced, sorpotel replaced by fusion cuisines. Yes, it has all melted. Yet people seek out Bandra, as here’s where you find the trendsetters, pubs mushrooming every two weeks, and the Bandraites are far more tolerant of the less fortunate who visit us from from further north.