What Dictates My Future

It's been a while since I've written. I have these long gaps. Analysing whether it's writers block or sheer laziness. It doesn't matter. Whatever the diagnosis am still on the same page, no material. Am almost at the ugly point of my "society proclaimed midlife number". Well I don't feel it. Except when am climbing the stairs . I thought I would still be the 20 year old when am what am today. Emotionally n spiritually. But " life's lessons have changed me ". Life has stripped me , is teaching me and the healing has yet to begin. Am calmer in most situations. Wiser, wittier ,more forgiving ,more giving ,accepting of others flaws and aware of my glaring faults ,believe in one love and willing to accept less from life. The last few chapters in my life should have wrung out the best and left me empty. Instead its taught me to believe. There are moments of doubt and questioning. But the cynicism is coupled with hope. As that's all I can live with. Does our system believe in the truth? Is she blind to the truth? Is that why she's blindfolded? Justice in different countries operate differently. Ours is not on truth but who shouts the loudest. Does our culture, our religion control our justice system. Every time I want to shout. I am given one more explanation about why I will not be heard. So every time I am told "have hope". I look them in the eye and tell them victory was decided before the battle. I guess am going to be old before i taste victory and freedom. Before this I was too busy being young and living young. This new chapter is teaching me to age better. Honestly I like myself at this point where I am in life. It has not killed my spirit. It has made me strong in faith, prayer and hope.