These are a few things to help those well-meaning or inquisitive or trying-to-help-to-heal-people out there. The following points may help you all. In future when talking to divorcees or twice or thrice-married people, please carry a print out of this.
My kids were always viewed with suspicion whether they were gonna do drugs or drink or run with the wrong crowd or hang out at some street corner. Why? They came from a broken home. Broken home = broken kids. I haven't defined this, society has, for years.
If my kids were half an hour late or fared below average in a paper, it was put down to "trauma from divorce" and I took home the award for "Bad Mother of the Year". Oh cos kids from undivorced homes all stand first, eat their veggies and are home before curfew and are in bed before the boogey man hits the streets.
If these divorced kids have transitioned in style and wear clothes of the current trend, short dresses or tiny shorts or a crew cut then it's put down to rebellion but the kids from normal homes are just fashionable. (From now on, am going to refer to the two as divorced kids and normal kids, I know you are wise enough to distinguish between the two).
If my kids go on to land a great job, it's greeted by "I hope he sticks to it and does not mess it up". A normal kid, well he's gonna become the next CEO of the company or maybe president of the country. If a divorced child is silent in polite company or socially then he's depressed or has withdrawn and needs counselling: a normal child is possibly trying to revise the Pythagoras theorem.
A divorced girl if she has a few relationships then she's either looking for a father figure or just a plain slut and a normal girl "Oh my Lordy, she's so popular". Oh yes the mother of all is "they too may get divorced" since that's what they've grown up with and will have relationship issues, like divorce is a disease you contract from your parents! And yes, even after 6 or 7 or 8 years you will be asked socially "so any news of your ex-husband? Is he in touch with your children?" Seriously!!!! If I wished to be in touch with him I wouldn't have divorced him.
Why is bad behaviour met with excuses. Sorry, I raised my kids to respect everybody and speak with kindness so what's the excuse for rude, bratty, undiscliped kids from undivorced homes???
Today am standing up for kids who come from divorced families. Don't look upon them with suspicion, trepidation or stare at them. We parents don't constantly need validation on how well we've raised them, and they don't need validation on how well they've turned out. We don't judge you normal people. The kids are only divorced, they haven't grown a tail!
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